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Second, there's the issue of expectations you two have not discussed.

This situation underlines the importance of checking in with one's spouse or partner about the various aspects of long-term relationships: finances, in-laws, jobs, children (if any), housekeeping, plans, and sex. So, even though you said your vows and have been together for a while, it sounds like the topic of online chatting and surfing porn sites never came up.

I was messing around one day and found a ton of pornography on it.

I told him I felt bad that he was looking at these women-but I felt even worse because I was the one who looked it up in his documents on his computer-I felt I invaded his privacy-I didn’t want to be one of those crazy girlfriends/fiancés.

I had always wondered why he kept it set up right next to his computer when we didn’t use it anymore with each other.

He had a roommate and I just figured he used it to take pics of himself for the computer.

A late arrival into the world of social media, I nevertheless embraced it as a kind of escape.We’d still see each other every weekend, sometimes more.Initially we had web cams, I got rid of mine, he still had his and just put it away a couple months ago (5).While my husband spent most evenings catching up on the horse racing he'd recorded over the weekend, I began perusing chatrooms – not in pursuit of cybersex necessarily, but initially more for harmless flirtation, a little virtual attention.Soon, I was spending hours in the parallel universe of cyberspace, often through wonderfully wide-awake nights, uninhibited in a way I never could be in reality.

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